


Strike a Pose

by someoriginalusername



Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, i hate these two so much why do i keep writing them, malicious gayness, roman nearly throttles him, this quarantine is hitting different, victor being a bonehead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-23 06:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23273500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someoriginalusername/pseuds/someoriginalusername
Summary: As he was leaning into the mirror, applying the cream to the blasted crow’s feet that no amount of botox seemed to be helping, Victor emerged from the bathroom. Roman elected to ignore him, knowing that he would be edited out.Victor, however, had different plans.Roman films a skincare routine for a magazine, and Victor decides to interrupt.
Relationships: Roman Sionis/Victor Zsasz
Comments: 13
Kudos: 115





	Strike a Pose

Roman was ready to begin. The tripod was set up in the corner of his vanity mirrors, with the products lined up on his table. He had not been surprised when _Dernier Cri_ , Gotham’s fashion and lifestyle magazine, reached out to him to have him participate in their beauty and skincare series, as he was waiting for them to do so. He had become a little insulted that they had yet to contact him when he heard about their online channel growing popular, weeks ago. _He_ was Gotham’s elite, he should have been the first person they contacted!

He had known that some of the execs of the company frequented his club, as they had even spoken to him about the series, so last Friday night he not so subtly hinted at his interest in appearing on the channel. Of course, he never flat out asked— he doesn’t ask anyone for anything; he demanded. When Ms. Montclair, a beauty editor for the magazine and loyal patron of The Black Mask Club, complimented him on his eye makeup, he had made a point to boast about not only his choice in products, but his precious skincare routine. He explained both his daytime and nighttime routine in detail, as she listened, fascinated by his dedication. 

“You know, I always wondered how you maintained such flawless skin. I assumed it was just great genes,” she said, playfully placing a hand on his arm.

“Oh no, darling,” he said, tapping his own gloved hand over hers, “this is an expensive face.” As the table erupted in laughter at what they assumed was a joke, he took a sip of his drink. He didn’t tell them about the botox, since it was none of their goddamn business. Later that night, as she was getting ready to leave, she asked if he would be interested in making a video for their series.

“Oh, I’d be delighted to!” he said, gripping his chest and feigning his surprise. Honestly, if she had not asked, he would’ve gotten one of his men to follow her home and key her car. 

“Brilliant! I’ll have my team call you on Monday to set things up? If you’re available then?”

He had an execution to attend that day, but he could make time. At his pensive expression, she pulled out a card from her purse.

“If not, you can email me your availability. We can set things up then.”

He offered her a gracious smile as he pocketed the business card. He already had one of course, in his card holder in his office, but accepted it anyways. “Ms. Montclair, ever the considerate businesswoman. Thank you, I have a meeting Monday afternoon but will get in touch as soon as I can. Have a wonderful night.”

She smiled pleasantly at his charm, and turned to meet her friends at the door. “You too, Mr. Sionis. I’ll talk to you soon.”

He grinned as she left, purposely not reflecting on how he had to practically chase her for the opportunity, but glad that he now had the opportunity to boost his popularity in the city. The video would be good for business, and so the next morning he sent her his availability for the week. On Tuesday afternoon, a small crew delivered a tripod and microphone to his penthouse to set things up. That night, he was to film his nighttime routine, and the next morning his daytime routine. The crew would return that afternoon to pick up the equipment, and the video would be uploaded on Friday. 

He had filmed the first half of the video that night, with no issues. Roman loved having cameras on him, as he knew how to dazzle any audience, in person or not. His video would be a sensation, and really, _Dernier Cri_ should thank him.

After setting up his mic the way the technician had shown him, he put on his silk purple robe and sat down to begin. The crew originally tried to set up the camera in his bathroom, but he had insisted on filming it in his bedroom. It’s not like he didn’t want viewers to see his bathroom, it was as decadent and pristine as the rest of the penthouse, but he just so happened to cohabitate with a man who chose to look as if he lived amongst the wolves in the woods. 

Victor had his own room, for the nights when Roman could not bear the presence of another human being, let alone him, but he slept with Roman more often than not. Nevertheless, his belongings, which were nothing more than the few products Roman had bought him when he was horrified to discover that the man only used a single bar of soap to clean all parts of himself, were left in his own bathroom. Roman did keep a few spare products for Victor in his bathroom, something that neither of them have acknowledged, if only because he feared that they would not be used if he was not there to make him use them.

Victor also seemed to prefer to use Roman’s bathroom as well, much to Roman’s annoyance. Roman nearly bit his head off the first month into their cohabitation, as their standards of living were worlds apart, but Victor eventually adapted and learned how to act like a real human being. He cleaned up after himself, and never touched any of Roman’s things, which was a shock considering the state of his own bedroom, and now they practically shared a bedroom and bathroom; thus, why Roman did not want to film it there.

Victor knew about the filming, and Roman could tell that he found it superfluous, but he knew to not bother him for an hour or so. However, Roman didn’t trust him to not walk into the bathroom in the middle of filming and use the toilet like there was not a camera filming something. The smug bastard would probably think it was funny too.

Therefore, Roman had moved his products into his bedroom, and placed them on the table in front of his vanity mirrors. He was not necessarily a private person, and he was proud of his luxury, so he was more than happy to show off his lavish room. He quickly ran a comb through his already styled hair, and checked to make sure there weren’t any spots he missed on his face when he washed it. When he deemed himself ready to go, he leaned in to turn on the camera, before pausing to put on a little mascara. Yes, he was filming his skincare routine, but he knew how to apply it in a way that looked natural. He’d had years of practice. 

When everything looked perfect, he finally turned it on and began recording.

“Good morning! It is 9AM, which is a little earlier than I usually wake up if I can help it. When you’re a club owner, sleep is a privilege. I’m more of a night owl myself, but duty calls,” he began, smiling into the camera.

“Anyways, I do my daytime routine as soon as I wake up to keep this hydrated," he said, waving his hand around his face theatrically, "'cos this is the moneymaker." He gave a cocksure grin.

"Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘this guy is a bajillionaire, how the hell would I be able to afford anything he uses?’, well you’re in luck. I do travel a lot, which means I have looked seemingly all over to find the best products to use, and I have, but I’m going to show you all the products that are most effective while relatively inexpensive.” He picked up his exfoliant.

“This is Juice Beauty’s Stem Cellular Micro-Exfoliant. I use this twice a week, at the beginning of the week and at the end. It works magnificently. I was in L.A getting a facial when the wonderful esthetician recommended this to me. It works like nothing else. It’s an organic product that uses grape seed and jojoba to smooth and soften the skin. It’s amazing!” He grinned again, before pointing at the camera. 

“Now that product is relatively small, so I use a pea-sized drop of it, remember- only once or twice a week. If you use an exfoliator more than that, it can be a nightmare on your skin. Fellas, you should exfoliate every single time you shave. If you do that every day, make sure to find one that isn’t a scrub. Find a daily tonic that is more gentle, like Ren’s Ready Steady Glow. I used that when I first started getting into skincare. Ladies, the wonderful thing about Juice Beauty is that it’s unisex! It works wonders for all.” He put the bottle down and picked up his daily wash.

“This is NYDG’s Colloidal Oatmeal Cleanser that I use daily. Like I said, I use small drops of it, as anymore could be damaging to the skin, and you don’t want to have irritated skin while scrambling to buy another bottle,” he said, ignoring the fact that he had multiple bottles of each product stored away for when he runs out.

“This also works like a charm, as it also contains grape seed, as well as green tea and ginkgo leaf to protect the skin and smoothen it. It also contains vitamin E to nourish it, as well as chamomile and aloe vera to ease it as it works to remove the grime from a busy day or night. It’s fantastic, leaves my skin as soft as a baby’s bottom,” he said, swiping a finger down his cheek and grinning contentedly.

“Alright, so, I’ve already washed my face with this, so now I move onto moisturizer,” he picked up the next bottle. “Recently, I’ve moved on from using only daily moisturizers as I’ve found out that serums work more effectively when it's layered under it.” He held up the white and orange container.

“This is Drunk Elephant’s C-Firma Day Serum,” he took off the cap and grabbed a cotton pad, put a little dab on it, and leaned into the camera to apply it evenly around his face. “Now I’m not sure why I picked up the pad,” he chuckled, “because I’m going to be using this on my hands anyways,” he said, using more of the serum to spread around his neck.

He was still applying the serum, while charming the audience, when he heard the elevator ding from behind him. He paused, silently fuming, as he had given strict orders to his staff to not bother him for at least another hour. He sat there, listening for footsteps, before continuing on as if nothing happened. 

“Alright, after you lather it onto your neck, because, really, your neck gives away age more than anything, add a little to your hands, especially if you work them a lot as I do,” he said, giving the camera a salacious smile. He heard footsteps approach his room and he stiffened, but maintained his smile.

Victor walked into his room and placed the boots in his hand onto the shoe mat where he’s allowed to keep them. He did not look up, or acknowledge Roman, which would have raised his brow if he was not waiting for the other man to take a hint and leave. Roman sat and watched through the mirror as the man began to take off his belt before putting it away. When he reached to unbutton his shirt, Roman finally cleared his throat. Loudly. Victor finally looked up, and dropped his hands.

“Do you mind?” Roman asked, annoyed.

Victor gave a mischievous smile, “sorry, boss. I’ve been out all night. Forgot.”

“It’s okay,” Roman replied in a clipped tone, while also saving face. “The team will edit this out anyways. I assumed you were in your own room,” he didn't turn around to face him, knowing he would take the hint.

Instead of leaving him the hell alone, however, he simply stood there and beamed at the camera. Roman, knowing how creepy the other man could be, finally turned around and gave him a vicious glare. He nodded sharply towards the entrance, telling him to beat it. At Roman’s look, Victor straightened up, but didn’t move. Roman scoffed and turned back towards the camera. He grinned, “men! Amiright, ladies?”

He then turned to grab another bottle, "okay, so, hmm. Where was I?” He spotted his day cream and brought it up to the camera. He heard some shuffling from behind him, but when he looked at the mirror he saw the other man had moved out of the shot to continue to undress quietly.

“Alright! More moisturizing. This is Clarins’ Nutri-Lumiere Jour,” Roman said, reading the title in a flawless French accent. “A good friend of mine recommended this to me as it's for those of us getting up there in age,” he said, winking at the camera. No one dared to ever mention his age, but he could joke about it whenever he felt like it. 

“It is salvation in a jar, let me tell you,” Roman applied the moisturizer to his face and neck, mirroring his movements from before. “It’s made with chestnut tree extracts as well as organic desert dates to rejuvenate the skin. Isn't that wonderful?” Roman got caught up in applying the moisturizer, so that when Victor passed him by to go to the bathroom, and lightly stroked the palm of his hand from the corner of Roman’s neck to his other shoulder, he jumped. 

Victor had already entered the bathroom in only his boxers, and even though Roman’s cheeks began to warm, it took everything in him to not pick up his suede slipper and follow him in there. As soon as the video was done, he would be sleeping on the roof. Roman cleared his throat and continued on.

“Now here is one of the most important steps that people tend to forget about,” he held up his SPF bottle. “Dermalogica’s Oil Free Matte SPF 30. A godsend. I never leave the house without this on, no matter what the weather,” he explained while distributing generous amounts of it all over his face and neck. He put a good dose on the back of his neck, as well as his ears.

“Unfortunately, I do not tan, I burn, thanks to my good ol’ genes, so I have to do my ears as well,” he continued rubbing the cream into his skin all over, “thank God Gotham isn’t exactly known for having sunny days,” he said, muttering more to himself than anything, “try to get as far up into your hairline as you can, without actually getting it in your hair. Lord knows, it is a bitch to get out once it’s in there. Wait. Can I curse?” he paused, then shrugged it off.

Roman then inspected his face in the mirror once again, before turning back to the camera. “Lastly, but certainly not least, eye cream,” he held the container up to the camera, “Caudalie’s Premier Cru. Works like a dream.” He applied a small amount onto his ring finger, before gently patting it under both of his eyes. 

“You’re going to also use a small amount of this, as it works staggeringly fast. You do not want to overwork your skin. Lightly dab at it until it's properly absorbed,” As he was leaning into the mirror, applying the cream to the blasted crow’s feet that no amount of botox seemed to be helping, Victor emerged from the bathroom. Roman elected to ignore him, knowing that he would be edited out. 

Victor, however, had different plans. He came out and stood behind Roman’s stool and leaned down, throwing both arms over his shoulders. “You smell good,” he said, tucking his face into Roman’s neck. He left a kiss over his pulse, and it took everything in Roman to not react. When Victor began cascading his hands down Roman’s chest then up to his shoulders, he kissed the juncture of his neck. “You look good, too.” 

Roman heaved a sigh, and finally leaned into his warmth, “when this is done, I’m fucking flaying you alive.”

Victor grinned into his neck, before reaching up to his ear, “I’m looking forward to it, sir.” He murmured. Roman couldn’t suppress his shiver. Victor’s shit-eating grin grew at his reaction, and he gave Roman’s shoulder a final kiss before he backed off.

Roman was more than aware that that all happened on camera, with Victor only in his boxers. He let out a shaky laugh. “Well, I’m relying on you good editors at _Dernier Cri_ to take out that obscene distraction. I apologize,” Roman said earnestly, already planning what sheets to give Victor when he’s banned from both bedrooms for a week. If he gives him anything, at all. 

“Anyways, that’s my skincare routine! I follow it religiously, and use nothing but the best. All products are cruelty free, and natural, and reasonably priced. Thank you to _Dernier Cri_ for asking me to participate, I love you guys over there, and thanks for watching!” He blew a kiss to the camera, “Ciao!”

He then stopped the recording, took off his mic, and made sure the video saved properly before turning off the camera. He then swiveled towards the direction of the hallway, knowing Victor went to his own room.

“ _Zsasz_!” He growled, with as much venom as he could muster.

* * *

Four days later, he approached his right-hand man, who was sleeping on the chaise lounge chair in the living room. He had no blanket.

“Zsasz, wake up,” Roman said, kneeing the other man in the ribs. It was noon, which meant it was still a few hours until Victor was expected to wake up. 

“Mmm. Yes, boss?” he said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He was a light sleeper, that is, when he was able to sleep.

“I have something to show you,” Roman said, pushing Victor’s legs onto the floor so he could sit down. He had his laptop in one hand, with a video on pause. When Victor seemingly was coherent enough, he pressed play. It was his skincare routine, edited perfectly with elegant music playing in the background. It was halfway through the video, to Roman’s morning routine. Roman skipped ahead nearly towards the end. He was in the middle of applying his serum, when Victor walked into the room in the background. He felt the other man stiffen behind him.

“They didn’t take that out?” Victor asked, voice rough from sleep. 

“Just watch,” Roman coaxed him. They watched on as the music halted, zooming in on Victor about to unbutton his shirt, before zooming back out to Roman turning around to address him. It then cut to Roman addressing the camera, ‘men! Amiright, ladies?’ The music returned as Roman continued to finish his routine. 

Victor entered the frame again, to swipe his hand across Roman’s neck, with Roman jumping out of his skin edited out. It continued to Roman applying his SPF and talking about his ears, until the end where he addressed the audience. They edited out the majority of Victor’s interruptions. 

“Why didn’t they just cut me out entirely?” Victor asked, before Roman shushed him.

“It’s not done yet,” he snapped, still paying attention to the video. After Roman said his thank yous and waved them away, the music grew louder and a short clip of Victor with his arms around Roman played until the end. The audio was cut out, so that viewers could see them embracing for a moment. When the video ended, Roman closed his laptop and faced the other man.

Victor sat silently, staring off into the distance where the laptop was once open. Finally, he spoke, “why the hell wouldn’t they take all of that out?”

Roman rolled his eyes and scoffed, “well, maybe if you didn’t want to seem like a cuddleslut, you should’ve kept your damn hands to yourself.” At Roman’s playful tone, Victor finally looked up at him.

“Should I go talk to them?” he asked, clearly confused by Roman’s calm demeanor.

“No you shouldn’t, asshole,” Roman said, before running his hands through the short hair at the back of Victor’s head.

“Uh, okay,” he said, dumbly.

Roman beamed at him, and continued stroking his scalp, “it’s blowing up, people love it. The gays love us.” 

“Right,” Victor said, still confused by Roman’s good mood.

Roman hummed, “we’ve gotten hundreds of emails since, asking about club membership and everything. A few sappy emails from random people spewing some bullshit, but overall, this is dynamite for business. Our phones have been blowing up for days.” 

“That’s great, boss,” Victor said, clearly relieved. He assumed he was out of the doghouse.

“Yes, it is,” Roman said before leaning in and kissing his forehead in a rare show of affection. Victor visibly brightened.

“Now go back to sleep,” Roman said, roughly throwing the man back into the chaise pillow by his head, “you have imbeciles to kill in a few hours, ‘kay?” He picked up his laptop, and stalked out of the living room, leaving Victor in the chair.

**Author's Note:**

> i. i don't know. my boyfriend and i binged a bunch of vogue videos while i was recovering from the stomach flu and this happened. i'm sorry.
> 
> the title is from vogue by madonna.
> 
> also, all of these products are real, in case u've never heard of em. they're all super fucking expensive too:
> 
> Juice Beauty Resurfacing Micro-Exfoliant ($56)  
> NYDG Colloidal Oatmeal Cleanser ($48)  
> Drunk Elephant’s C-Firma Day Serum ($80)  
> Clarins’ Nutri-Lumiere Jour ($150)  
> Dermalogica Oil Free Matte SPF 30 ($54)
> 
> I used this article to write this https://www.gq.com/story/ultimate-anti-aging-skincare-plan-for-men bc yes i am a man but i am also a heathen who steals from my boyfriend's facewash and knows nothing abt this stuff


End file.
